The Love Saboteur

August 19, 2010

Here’s some signs that you might be a love saboteur:

  • Your parents had a turbulent relationship.
  • You are a survivor of assault or abuse.
  • You have a personality disorder like BPD or NPD.
  • You are sensitive to emotional triggers.
  • Fear is a big motivator in your life.
  • You go out of your way to avoid being emotionally hurt.
  • You bottle stuff up until it explodes out of nowhere.
  • You have repressed anger, guilt, and shame from the past.
  • You have a history of substance abuse and other self-destructive behaviors.
  • You only enjoy sex if the person is emotionally unavailable.
  • You’re hyper-sensitive to criticism and prone to moodiness.
  • You have a history of seeking out abusive or flawed relationships.
  • When you stumble upon a promising relationship, you get cold feet.
  • You gravitate towards people with troubled pasts and troubled relationships.
  • Past lovers have cheated on you or betrayed your trust.
  • Break ups send you into a panic attack.
  • You’re afraid of being alone/You’re afraid of being consumed by a relationship
  • Your close friends and family have a hard time believing you, when you say you’re in love.
  • You have engaged in acts of infidelity and indiscretion.
  • You get jealous and insecure as the relationship gets more serious.
  • You devalue or over-criticize your partners when things get serious.
  • You take your partner for granted or feel bored after a partner gives themselves to you.
  • Intimacy makes you feel insecure and then suffocated.
  • You tend to pick fights towards the end of a relationship
  • When a partner doesn’t give you the space you need, you become hostile.
  • You avoid talking about problems.
  • You expect your partner to be able to read your mind
  • You’re fine going to bed angry.
  • You jump from one broken relationship to another, preferring a fresh start to working things out.

The more of these signs you exhibit, the more likely it is that you fear intimacy. You may think that is absurd, because there are times when you crave intimacy. But this is the paradox- People who fear intimacy yearn for closeness. But once they achieve it, they freak out. Once a relationship gets serious, your fears of abandonment, betrayal, and rejection kick in and cause you to destroy the relationship before it destroys you. Don’t expect to find true love, until you are ready to accept true love.

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