After years of writing about man-hater issues and wedding dresses, my BPDex is finding the courage to write about her own issues, her own toxicity and her own disorder.

Is this the tell-all confessional that I’ve been waiting for? Not quite. She wrote an article about how siblings can be more supportive of someone with BPD. She even went so far as to create a fictional character for the piece that allows her to talk about this terrible disease without getting personal.

The way she describes BPD makes it sound like it’s akin to taking care of someone with the flu, including ways you can be more tolerant of their emotional excess and personality quirks. As you might expect, she avoids talking about the darker side of the disorder- the gaslighting, the acts of infidelity and the inevitable demonization of loved ones.

She does, however, acknowledge that the reason BPs lack support from loved ones is because they have a tendency to alienate said loved ones and cut them off aka stonewalling. You don’t say…

She then goes on to list all the ways that someone can be more supportive and accepting of her… I mean accepting of her fictional character. I wouldn’t want to make it sound like this article was self-serving or that my ex might be prone to emotionally-manipulative behavior.

What this recent article tells me about my BPDex is that she is getting more comfortable addressing her issues and that she has exhausted all her tactics for avoiding dealing with those issues. BUT she is not yet comfortable with the idea of ownership… Owning the horrible way she has treated me, and others like me.

She treats her kind with kid gloves, gingerly laying out the details of their suffering (the depression, the anxiety, the thoughts of suicide, etc.)… but always reluctant to accept blame. This article is really just another sob story… One of many sob stories. Old habits are hard to break and playing the victim is her oldest habit.

My BPDex has come a long way. But she has a long way to go. Her loved ones will need to have a lot of patience and they have a lot of hard work in front of them. Readers know that I certainly did my best. But look how she treated me. Good luck to all involved. They’ll need it.

I share this video with you, because it perfectly captures the essence of every woman that I’ve ever dated. It’s hard to not feel bad for this person when they are gushing with every emotion that they have. But this is the power of a troubled woman.

Whenever I was ready to leave a troubled woman, to get the hell away from the trainwreck, she would inevitably turn on the water works. This is how they get you to stay… to avoid abandonment. It’s this insatiable need for attention and their need to play the victim/martyr that defines them. You can give them all of your time and that still won’t be enough. The truth is no one can give them enough attention.  They can even be a global superstar and they will still feel empty and abandoned.

I don’t know much about Sinead O’Connor, but I know her type. She fits the mold that we’ve seen over and over again. The pleas for help and the drama have been with her for a long time. I believe she has been diagnosed with BiPolar. I know she has estranged family members.  This is also not new. All my exes had troubled relationships with their families. It’s not unusual for someone like this to throw hostility in the faces of loved ones and then act like everyone has abandoned her. This is how fucked up people behave.

You may be tempted to think that you are every thing this person needs. But you’re kidding yourself. You could be married with kids and she will still look for attention elsewhere.

Suicidal tendencies should be taken seriously with troubled women, but they should also be taken with a grain of salt. I can’t tell you how many times someone has threatened suicide and then magically forgotten that she did so. That doesn’t mean they aren’t capable of it. They are. But they are also not above using it as another tool to manipulate you.

Thankfully, Sinead is under psychiatric supervision. She is getting the help that she needs. It’s ok to feel bad for these women. Just don’t get sucked into their vortex. Don’t play their yo-yo games.

Father’s Day

June 18, 2017

Today, many of us will be honoring our fathers. But not all of us. Many troubled women have ambivalent feelings about their fathers. Show me a Man Hater and I will show you a woman who secretly hates what her father did to her. I’ll show you a woman who seeks out men to punish for her father’s sins… The father that caused her immeasurable pain. 

Being stabbed in the back is a familiar pain for toxic women and so it is a familiar pattern of behavior. Infidelity and the shutting out of loved ones is also hardwired into these cold-hearted women. 

If you allow a troubled woman into your life, you will know that pain. They decided, long ago, that all men are pigs… Before they even met you. 

No matter what you do, you will trigger memories of a father who betrayed them in some way. Prepare to be punished for being a man.

Toxic Woman

June 5, 2017

It has not been easy getting people to recognize their own toxicity. It’s a long, slow journey. And some people are just not willing to examine themselves. My BPDex ran away because she couldn’t handle the truth that I had laid before her feet. All my exes have worked very hard to prove me wrong… By getting married, having kids, living in denial, blaming me for everything, playing the victim… But there are signs that the contents of this blog are finally sinking in. Recently, my BPDex wrote this:

You have a fight with your friend over something you find ridiculous, and you walk away shaking your head, thinking, “What is wrong with her? Why is she so crazy?” But sometimes, when we’re the toxic friend in a relationship, it’s hard to look in the mirror and see what we’re doing wrong. Instead, we shame and blame our friends when they call us out for behaving badly.

Has my BPDex finally turned the corner? Or is she dispensing advice to others… while still blind to her own bad behavior? Has she spent some time reflecting about the way she treats friends and perhaps some time thinking about the way she treated me? Or is this her feigning self-improvement as she has so often done?

She goes on to write about insecurity, identity issues, soul-searching and the importance of counseling. And although she avoids the first person POV, one can see that the struggle has been personal. She is writing from the heart… Taking a break from social commentary and feminist critique… To tackle issues that are much more painful for her to acknowledge.

Like all my exes, self-examination does not come naturally to her. Toxic women are prone to projection and the demonization of others. So to recognize that the toxic person might be the person in the mirror is a huge step for her. 

I have no desire to reconnect with her or any of my toxic exes. I am content being my own person these days. I no longer long for any of that toxic love. The fond memories are too tainted. But it is satisfying to see my words have had an effect on my ex. 

Politics and Disorders

February 28, 2017

Recently, someone complained about posts I had written about certain political figures. That person threatened to leave, so I encouraged him to do so… not out of spite… out of knowing that this person is still in the fog… unable to see disordered people for who they are. 

I’ve been writing about damaged people for a long time now, and I’ve covered movie stars, musicians and even royalty. So why would politicians escape my observations?

Politics is a red carpet for narcissists and toxic personalities. Just as my BPDex is posing as a feminist to legitimize her hatred of men, narcissists adopt political agendas to support their narcissism. 

The greater concern are those who blindly follow narcissists. Because if you are reading this blog with any regularity, then you most likely have codependent tendencies. You are vulnerable to the charms of a narcissist. 

So when someone threatens to leave this place, they are telling me that they are not ready to see things the way they are. They are still living in a world of delusions and denial. They see the truth as a threat. And after many years of writing on this topic, I have learned to let these people go. 

Milo Yiannopoulos

February 21, 2017

If there is one figure in politics who is getting as much attention as Trump, it’s the flamboyant and controversial Milo. Today, his book deal and upcoming speaking engagement were canceled because of his shocking comments about pedophilia. 

He sort of apologized, but not really. Instead, he suggested that he was able to make such remarks because he is a gay man and a victim of sexual abuse. Yet another survivor playing the victim card to get out of trouble. 

This is an interesting revelation for Savory readers, because Milo the Narcissist Extraordinaire acts very much like a male version of my BPDex… A fabulous charlatan who invites drama and antagonizes everyone around her. 

While my BPDex has created a career out of hating men, Milo has created a career out of hating Muslims, BLM and Feminists. And while it may seem like they are at odds, they are actually cut from the same cloth.

Often a childhood, marred by sexual abuse, can lead to a troubled adulthood. Readers of this blog know this. They also know that survivors, who don’t seek treatment, can turn into monsters themselves. Even if they don’t become child molesters, they can become abusers of another sort. Milo can be very abusive and he does so with a smirk. Sound like someone we know?

The half-apology and the playing of the victim card should not be a surprise to anyone who reads this blog on the regular. We know how manipulative these people can be. We know if they can get away with bad behavior, they will. Milo likes starting fights and demonizing others. But this time, he pushed the wrong buttons. 

The meteoric rise of Milo will most likely be followed by a sudden fall. Because people like Milo are as self-destructive as they are manipulative. 

The Trouble with Anna

January 23, 2017

When I met Anna, I was drawn to her child-like wonder and openness. She seemed to have so much energy for life. But, like all the women I attract, there was another side to that same coin. That childish nature had a dark side.

Our first date was very telling. She was hours late and never bothered to text me. When she did arrive, she said she was hungover.  This would not be the first time she was flaky and unapologetic. It was assumed that I would tolerate her flakiness. But it only made me look elsewhere for love.

She would later get upset because she found out that I was dating another woman during our first month of dating. I did so because I couldn’t take either one seriously. Both were flaky.  And I have learned that is a sure sign of an unstable mind and personality- one that is loving one minute, and callous just months later.

She would often crawl into my arms like a cat, just to feel my embrace. One could easily mistake this for love. All my friends did. But she, like all my exes, took love away as quickly as she gave it. Troubled women know how to make you feel loved. But they are just going through the motions. I was skeptical from the very beginning, because I knew what to expect.

Unfortunately for her, I was a different man when I met her. I no longer gave my heart to a woman without reservation. It was this reservation that drove her mad. Or rather, it revealed her madness. By the time I met her, I was well-read on the topic of personality disorders. She didn’t like this either. My knowledge of disordered people gave her concern. Her concern, in turn, gave me more reservation. Because, had she been more supportive of what I had been through with other troubled women, I might have been more willing to dive in. 

But something about her, kept me out of the pool. The more I got to know Anna and her past, the more I saw commonalities between her and my BPDex. Anna may not have been as troubled as my BPDex, but she had her own set of issues… Her own triggers. Growing up in a family that struggled with alcoholism and infidelity, left deep scars with Anna. She was always doubting the affection I showed her… Always reading my emails and questioning my relationship with other women.

Every time she felt insecure, she would block my number and put up the Wall of Silence. And every time she did that, I became more distant and doubtful that the relationship would last. This was normal for her. It was not unusual for her family members to cut off contact. Her own father kicked her out of the house because he didn’t like the guy she was dating. When I heard these stories, I knew what I was dealing with. I knew why she was so flaky.  Flakiness is a form of sabotage. People, who fear intimacy, instinctually push others away when they get too close… Or when they fear they aren’t worthy of your love. 

In the end, she was the one who cheated on me. But instead of confessing and showing remorse, she felt like she had good reason to cheat on me. Like my BPDex, she hated what her father had done to her. Like my BPDex, she was too much of a coward to punish or confront her father. So instead, she punished me for her father’s wrongdoings. This is the MO of a Man Hater. They are always seeking someone to punish for terrible things that were done to them long, long ago.

Sex was an important part of our relationship. Unlike, my other exes, Anna didn’t have weird sexual hang-ups or triggers. She loved sex as much as I did. We would sometimes spend all day having sex. But once again, there was another side to this coin. Anna loved sex so much, she had sex with another man while I was on a business trip. She says she doesn’t have BPD, but her fear of abandonment is real and strong.  So when I left for my trip, she took that as abandonment.

Like all troubled women, sex was used as bait and a reward for being a good codependent. But if I didn’t give her 24/7 attention, she would punish me by having sex with another man.  Like my BPDex, she had trouble keeping it in her pants. This is how a Man Hater stabs you in the back. They do it with glee and pride, suppressing all shame. Man Haters come from families where loved ones treat each other horribly. But nobody talks about the Elephant in the Room. Because that would be cause for concern. 

All signs pointed to Anna being another Hit and Run Artist. Like my BPDex, she was a perpetual runaway.  As soon as she detected possible rejection, the wall went up. Nothing could get to her behind that wall. She wanted me to beg her back. But I wanted none of that. I was over it. I had been down this road too many times to care. I had developed my own defenses and much thicker skin. I was actually surprised by how easy it was for me to get over Anna. 

This is what they have collectively done to me. They pushed me away to the point where I don’t even care anymore. I no longer struggle to win people back.  Once the wall goes up, I write that person off and thank them for wasting my time.

A Narcissist’s Prayer

January 17, 2017

That didn’t happen.

And if it did, it wasn’t that bad.

And if it was, that’s not a big deal.

And if it is, it is not my fault.

And if it was, I didn’t mean it.

And if I did.

You deserved it.

-Source Unknown

I hope all my troubled exes read this.

So how many of you would take relationship advice from someone who has Borderline Personality Disorder? Anybody? No?

Well, it seems my BPD Ex is now in the business of giving relationship advice to young women. Instead of demonizing men for hard-hitting feminist magazines, she has switched to a lighter approach… Demonization with a side of giggles and girly talk… Feminism with a light, creamy frosting. Sady Doyle has also had success going after a younger, more naive audience… An audience that is less likely to know what a mentally ill person sounds like. So it doesn’t surprise me that my ex is following her lead.

In her piece, she instructs the young and naive to ask 8 questions to figure out if they are indeed dating a jerk. If you’ve been keeping up with my stories about my BPDex, I know the irony of this is not lost on you. Because nowhere in this article does she talk about personality disorders or the fear of intimacy. Instead, she advises people to ask shallow questions to figure out if you have things in common. 

Guess what? If your date has BPD, you don’t want to have anything in common with her. You don’t want her to be attracted to you, because that means you are giving off the scent of a codependent. The only questions, you should be asking her, are questions that determine whether or not she has such a disorder.

I found this article to be enlightening because it’s more evidence that my ex has no idea how screwed up she is. Even worse, she actually thinks she is an expert on relationships. It has never occurred to her that her relationships failed because she was the jerk.

Tila Tequila Is Back

December 1, 2016

Speaking of trainwrecks, Tila Tequila was back in the news. She managed to create yet another media stir… As Attention Whores and Drama Queens will do. This time, we find the infamous C-lebrity posing with some White Nationalists…showing off her best Sieg Heil. Some might find it odd that a tiny Asian woman would be attending a Neo Nazi rally. But this is a woman who loves controversy and attention.

“Feminist Blogger” Stephanie Hallet once claimed Ms. Tequila was another victim of slut-shaming. She claimed her only crime was being “too sexy”. This would not be the first time Ms. Hallett has defended someone who turned out to be of questionable character. She has a talent for picking out the real winners. 

“Feminists”, like Stephanie Hallet and Sady Doyle, have always had a soft spot for trainwrecks. But even diehard feminists will not touch this latest Tila scandal. I guess they do know when to jump off the crazy train. 

It actually makes sense that Tila Tequila is hanging out with Nazis that engage in black and white thinking (pun intended). Birds of a feather flock together. Dysfunctional people support each other. Her name suggests that she has always struggled with her identity, as most borderlines do. They look for other people that engage in extremist behavior.

My BPD-ex often sought out Sady Doyle for help and joined her cause. What troubled woman would turn down the opportunity to demonize all men and cause some serious trouble? This is what these troubled women do best. They are natural born troublemakers. 

The only good thing about Tila Tequila is she doesn’t hide her crazy. You can spot her crazy from miles away. She wears it on the same sleeve that she wears her swastika. It’s the ones who keep their crazy hidden that you really have to worry about.