Women like my borderline ex will be ecstatic over this news. My ex has a personal interest in this story, she claimed she was raped in college. This new definition helps make her case. The problem is my ex has a history of compulsive lying, alcohol-induced amnesia, false-accusations, inappropriate sexual conduct, self-victimization, impaired memories and obsessive attention-seeking behavior. It is these qualities that lead me to believe she is a histrionic/borderline personality. It also leads me to question her claims of rape.

Psychologists tell us that borderlines cut their wrists to relieve their internal pain. If their pain is so great that they would cut into their own skin, what else would they do to distract their mind from the pain? Create stories of imagined victimization? The fact is borderline women not only have higher rates of actual rape, they have higher rates of false accusations as well.

Before you dismiss this as hogwash, consider the fact that most borderlines were severely traumatized by age 3.  People who are this traumatized are prone to dissociative states, moments where they lose consciousness. If they were sexual abused at that age, then sexual acts may trigger this state. It goes without saying that sex under the influence of drugs and alcohol only amplifies this effect.

The effects of lifelong traumatization adds up over the years- alcoholism, promiscuous tendencies and dissociative states become increasingly pronounced. Repeated victimization creates a person who becomes addicted to the attention one gets when they have been repeatedly victimized. This addiction leads to false or exaggerated claims of victimhood.

We have read stories of 12 yr old girls luring young lads into the park in the middle of the night, and then claiming they were raped by dastardly men. We have witnessed fauxminist spin the facts, in order to tell a very different story. Who are we to believe? Why should we believe? When it is clear that the world of the borderline personality is a series of dark and twisted tales. Which tales do we believe? And which do we dismiss?

Will this new definition prevent rape? Has the death penalty curbed murders? Has putting people in jail, curbed violent crime? And now we think changing the definition of rape will curb rape. I predict we will not see a drop in rape. Instead, we will most likely see a rise in reported rapes, false reports as well as true reports.

Drunken college girls who want too much attention and drink too much alcohol will now feel emboldened to report rape. Even if their memory of the other night is a little fuzzy. A woman who was sexually abused as a child might have triggered memories of that abuse. She might assign the blame to the drunk boy that is on top of her.

She may have flirted with the boy all night. She might have even crawled into the back seat of a car with him. But if she passes out just as he is about to penetrate, well guess what? That boy could very well end up in jail. It is her word against his. And he did not have her sign a letter of consent before drunken sex.

The new definition is to include men as rape victims. Great news for borderline men. They have a history of lying about rape as well. A young gay man walks into a gay bar. He picks up a young stud, they go back to his place. His mind is a blur but yet he recalls being penetrated. The next day, he has bad memories of last night’s event. He reads an activist blog that convinces him that he was raped. Does this story sound familiar to anyone out there?

I worry that this new definition will give people a false sense of safety. Because the fact is borderline men and women are more prone to victimization as well as false-victimization. They are prone to heavy drinking and promiscuous behavior and that almost always leads to compromising situations. The new definition will not protect these people from their disease. It will only give them a false sense of security, a false sense of change.These people are very very ill and no definition can change that.

Right now, my ex is patting herself on the back for contributing to the campaign to pressure politicians into kowtowing to their demands. But she is no saint. This was a self-serving effort. She has done nothing except re-write her own questionable history and inflated her suffering ego. She seeks power and influence much like Shady Doyle.

My ex is not a feminist or an activist. She is a fake. She is merely a very confused woman living a lie. And being the charming borderline that she is, she has cleverly convinced millions of naive women to join her lie. She has positioned herself as a journalist so that she might spread her lies to anyone who will listen to her lies. She has claimed victimhood so that she can manipulate those around her. I’ve seen her do it over and over again with the greatest of ease. It is second nature to her.

She will never own up to the truth, because then she will lose her martyr status. And that is the only thing that makes her feel good about herself. She dare not tell the truth for fear of losing her family, her enablers and her misguided readers. She fears being revealed. She fears being abandoned.

This new definition will not change her sordid past. It will only keep the lie going. It will keep her in denial and therefore prevent her from seeking help. This new definition has basically condemned her to stay mentally ill for the rest of her life.

The commenter quoted in the previous post, “Lashing Out”, is back. Her name is Megan and she seems determined to get a response from me. I am reluctant to respond to her, because this is what borderlines do. They look for people to pull into their drama.

However I will say this- I respect the fact that she wants to have a dialogue. Though I am suspicious. Because usually when a borderline says she wants to have a dialogue, it means she wants an opportunity to prove you are wrong. But, occasionally, I like to post these borderline rants because they give insight into how their troubled minds work.

Megan:

you still responded to me by posting a big thing about what i posted. i dont feel rewarded for anything. and why wouldnt anyone who felt they were being bashed or hurt be on the defense? its human nature. you only see it from your side because you dont have BPD but i can see it from both sides as well. which sucks.

Savory Dish:

Of course you feel rewarded. You seek attention and when people give it to you, you feel rewarded. That’s how your disorder works.

It is important to note that borderlines experience all the same emotions that other people do. So your observation that reacting to being hurt is human nature is partially correct. However, what separates the two is the degree of sensitivity and the degree of reaction. It does not take much to offend or hurt a borderline. They are hyper-sensitive. That is a major part of their disorder. The abusive behavior (both aggressive and passive-aggressive)we see over and over again, is the borderline over-reacting to being hurt.

I will not deny that I have biased opinions. But my opinions are backed up by facts. Your opinions are based on irrational thinking and dysregulated emotions.

Megan:

everyone plays the victim, maybe we do more then others but then why stay in the relationship with us in the first place. at this point i cant even talk to you about it because no matter what i say you would categorize it as some sort of symptom or BPD. shes playing the victim, shes lashing out, shes on the defense, she heartless or whatever i say or am doing. but how can you sit here and past such judgement on people? are you a sociopath? because clearly you dont have any emotions or remorse for the way you talk about us.

Savory Dish:

I want you to read your comment above and tell me who is passing judgment.

Like you said- everybody plays the victim, but borderlines do it much more effectively than others. Borderlines were ONCE victims but they are guilty of re-playing their role as the victim. They are stuck in a state of victimhood. They are guilty of false victimhood. They instigate conflict and cause trouble only to cry victim. They create hostility and then run away crying. Borderlines victimize others and then expect them to remain silent about it.

By labeling me a sociopath, you are only illustrating how borderlines engage in dirty fighting. Dragging people down to your level (aka demonizing the other) will not alter the truth. Trying to make the argument that “we all do it” will not make you feel better about yourself.

Only getting help and getting better will make you feel better. When people like you stop behaving badly, people will stop speaking badly about you. Got it?

Megan:

whats your story? if 40 percent of more of WOMAN as you say have BPD i wonder what one of the many other mental illnesses in the world afflicts you? because clearly someone somewhere hurt you pretty bad. and this is your only way to deal with it? making us feel like shit? an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.

Savory Dish:

I have never ever said 40% of women have BPD. I challenge you to prove that I have. BPD only affects 2-3% of the population. This is a number in the millions. Out of those millions, 75% are women. Once again, you have illustrated how a borderline’s intense emotions affect the ability to listen and think, the ability to see straight. Your emotions distort reality and that’s what makes you so difficult and dangerous.

What’s my story? Well, if you had actually read my blog, you would know my story. But you weren’t reading. You were reacting and jumping to conclusions. I have had more than a few borderlines hurt me badly. And yes, this is how I deal with it. Rather than bury the past, I have chosen to make it public knowledge. So that others will know they are not alone. So that those who need help may finally get help.

Megan:

the day i wrote my “lashing out” post was the day i was trying to look up medical articles and information on BPD to give to my bf so maybe he could walk this road with me not as blind as others have. because telling someone or exposing that you have a serious mental illness isnt easy. already being depressed i came across this page. its hurtful and mean. its not informative at least not a constructive way of doing it.

Savory Dish:

Just because YOU don’t find it informative, does not mean that many others do not. The best way for these people to deal with the pain a borderline has caused them is to learn more about the horrible things borderlines do. I have no reason to sugar coat the truth. If your feelings are hurt, it’s because you are not yet ready to accept the truth about yourself.

Megan:

you dont go and bash people with mental illness all over the internet making them feel worse about things which in turn is just prolonging the cycle and throwing away any self progress someone might have had.

Savory Dish:

I don’t bash people unless they deserve it. How you feel is your responsibility, not mine. That’s why they call it SELF-esteem. Nobody is forcing you to read this blog. It is YOUR choice. Until you accept that you are responsible for your own moods, you will never get better.

Megan:

you dont know what people have been through and just because someone with BPD may have a severe case doesn’t mean they are all the same cases. everyone is different, some ppl are worse then others, some people dont even know they have it, some people have been working with it their whole lives.

Savory Dish:

Yes, I often acknowledge that not all borderlines are created equal. Some of my readers are borderlines. Some have even told me they enjoy this blog. Some have acknowledged how horribly they have treated others. These are the borderlines who have a chance. Then there are borderlines like you.

Megan:

i never said the way i treat people in my life is right and i never said im not a shitty person for it. but you are no saint my friend. but you will not sit here and say you have done nothing wrong?

you were never mean or hurt a single person in your life? you cant point a finger without pointing one at yourself unless you are a saint.

Savory Dish:

So dragging people down to your level makes you feel better? This is a familiar borderline tactic. Nobody is a saint, so therefore you feel better about treating people like shit, including loved ones.  I don’t treat people like shit unless they act like shit. That’s pretty fair. Don’t you think?

Megan:

you are doing anyone any good here besides being back in high school and honestly acting just like the people you so loath, be being a bully.

Savory Dish:

There you go AGAIN, demonizing people so you can stay the victim.

Megan:

id love to meet you, not to be an asshole but to have a serious conversation with you, id like to know how you came to all this. who hurt you so much that it caused you to write a blag about it….it saddens me really.

Savory Dish:

I can not have a serious conversation with someone whose logic is twisted by emotions. The only reason I am having this conversation with you is so others can see how borderlines operate.

Megan:

and what do you say to those people i warn to stay away from me? because i warn and tell everyone i met or date what i have and how it might end. what do you do when they dont listen? you ever think that maybe they are as screwed up as i am? because im starting to think so.

Savory Dish:

I tell those people to take responsibility for their own well-being as I have done. I tell them to stay away from people like you, because it will only end in misery. There’s a chance they may be as screwed up as you are. But borderlines tend to look for people who are less screwed up then them. Someone who will take care of them (aka enablers).

Every time you get involved with someone, you are harming yet another human being. You are perpetuating the cycle of abuse. You know you are not healthy enough for a relationship and yet you allow it to get serious. That’s what makes you irresponsible. Don’t get involved until you get better. No warning is necessary if you don’t get involved.  The truth is you want them to ignore your warnings.

Should Fucked Up People Be in a Relationship?

The following comment was left by someone who appears to be in the active throes of BPD:

so do you just hate us all your did one person seriously F*%& you over with BPD? you have no idea what its like to live this and be like this and see how you hurt the ones you love and do it over and over again all while you try to take hold of it and fail over and over again. Your an asshole to be honest, Its a mental illness not something people like to be or do just like having depression or anxiety. you think they ask for that? whats wrong with you?

I cry and rip myself apart everyday for the things i do and say to my boyfriend. Not being able to have empathy or speaking before i think and having rage that comes from no place. I love him so much but its more of a self abusive place. and thats what you not understanding. we are not evil people ( at least im not) but i am someone with a serious mental illness who is in pain constantly. there are ways to be in a relationship with us if you know how. its about talking and communication, understanding, honesty, counseling and meds.

I dont mean to call you an asshole but all i read out of your words is not informing its hate. And it really upset me to think that i hate myself as much as i do for the way i am but someone really hates me even more for who i am.

I posted this so you can see how untreated borderlines react when confronted with the truth. I chose not to address her personally, because doing so would reward her behavior. She is lashing out/acting out because those afflicted with BPD are sensitive to criticism. Those who suffer from unimaginable pain look to spread their pain. This is how they let people know they are hurting.

They behave badly and expect their victims to stay silent. They expect ex-lovers to take their abuse and keep quiet about it. But yet they can talk endlessly about their own pain. This one is incapable of feeling empathy for others. She has admitted that much. She admits she speaks before she thinks. As she has demonstrated here.

Ex-partners of BPs have every right to speak candidly about their pain. They are survivors. Part of the healing process is expressing the anger (and hate) that comes with an abusive relationship. The truth is not pretty, but it needs to be told. But someone with a severe case of BPD will not (can not) understand that. They have a fear of being revealed. They are in too much pain to feel the pain of others.

She is right. Those with BPD are not evil and cold-hearted. They are deeply troubled. But that is not an excuse to behave the way they do. People will stop hating them when they stop behaving in abusive and manipulative ways. The stigma that surrounds BPD is their own creation. The shame this commenter feels is rooted in her past, not this blog.

Hi All,

I think I am selfish. My BPD is underlined by some selfishness. Do you have similar feelings?

For fear of my BF abandonning me once he sees me in the light, I left him before he left me. It was inconceivable for me to see that he might accept me after all. I started concealing myself, then lying frequently, then hiding my friends from whom he may learn things about me, then demanding things from him, finally leaving him. ALL THIS IS ABOUT ME ONLY, WHAT i WANT

Now that he left, I am suffering. Why? because again of how he could bring balance and happiness in my life: AGAIN ABOUT ME = MY SELFISHNESS.

I am not saying that BPD are selfish, but with me I see a deep underlying selfishness.

Sufferingbe

A frequent contributor named Zan found this article which further clears the fog:

But consider, for a moment, that you have been deceived and because you do not understand that the ambiguous behaviors so well hidden by a family system that enables Borderline behaviors to go on undetected and that you have become the unwitting accomplice of something that holds the potential to destroy the family system that protects it.

It is common for the borderline personality to be relatively unnoticed by most people in the family, friends, and acquaintances circle– while at the same time a inflicting personal damage to family members. A common trait of the borderline is to utilize  attention seekingbehaviors that are used to gather a supportive network of understanding, enablers to rescue the Borderline from her worst fear from every crisis.  Some would call her a “Drama Queen” who “acts out” to gain the sympathy and support and  to keep the worst fear from being realized.  As a result, she is constantly burdened with a lifestyle that demonstrates a constant sense of “faking it,” and with the continual threat that sooner or later she will be “found out.”  So, what you are seeing is the great effort going into continually managing people, information, and perception–  to hide who she really is from the public eye.

The danger in a family system is being found out and rejected or abandoned. The very idea of someone exposing the borderline behavior is the trigger that it evokes (for her) the fear  of being exposed. This stress triggers the core issue– fear of abandonment. What you will witness is her intense feeling of rejection, pain, and the anger that triggers defensive mechanisms bringing rage, acting out, and acting in behaviors. Unfortunately, if you are the person who identifies the deception of the borderline, you should be prepared to be subjected to becoming the object of  rage motivated by an irrational belief  of abandonment, social isolation, and rejection. For the borderline, the loss of control, coupled with the fear of abandonment triggers a heightened level of stress that is unmanageable for her resulting in dysregulated emotions .  Consequently,  splitting occurs in her mind and what or was one good has suddenly become all bad.

A pattern among Borderlines, threatened with a feeling of lack of control or being found out, is to turn their anger to the person who knows their secret and threatens the myth that they have created.  This person is endangering their ability to exert control which  triggers dysregulation, anger, rage focused on the internalized threat.  The pattern of the the borderline which demonstrates the intense fear of being found out is rooted in an irrational belief that she/he will be abandoned if found out.  Her behavior presents in striking– outbursts of anger– out using innuendo, accusation that vilifies the person who threatens her total control , while painting a picture of her own victimization. As the borderline expresses rage, they build a circle of supporters around them, who  feed the ego-need– people, who are largely undiscerning, unaware, co-dependent, and capable of being duped through the coercive manipulation and deception that she demonstrates.

If you are not willing to join the company of enablers and participate in their plan,  then expect your life to become very difficult.  Borderline behavior toward the person who recognizes the deception will be skewed by rage, distorted reason, and perception and fueled by the belief that her behavior is justified, correct, and characterized by intense and cruel actions hidden beneath the innocent image being projected- the victim, so innocent. For the borderline, her control takes on the form of isolating support mechanisms that she believe that you depend upon– family relationships, children, grandchildren,  friends, relationships, and financial resources.  It is common for Borderlines to destroy your personal property, assault your credibility privately,  passive-aggressive anger,  projecting behaviors that demonstrate the intense rage and fear felt, an internalized feeling of a  loss of control  The goal of theses behaviors is to deflect any belief that they are indeed suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder and to paint the picture that you are the crazy one with a problem.  Borderlines are constantly putting others in “no win” situations in order to reinforce the myth they have created.

Make no mistake – This is abusive behavior. The psychological scars inflicted by a person who pretends to be your soul mate one minute and then stabs you in the back the next will last for years, if not a lifetime. Consider treatment for yourself and stay away from these people like the plague.

I was walking down the street last night and two histrionics were screaming for attention. I looked at them only to see their faces.

Obviously they were drunk (medicating their pain/suppressing their abusive past). They didn’t like the fact that I turned around to look at them, so they started hurling insults at me because being drunk is a histrionic’s excuse to be an asshole.

Rather than confront them, which is what they wanted, I ignored them. This threw them into a fit of rage. I laughed as they continued to hurl insults.

They were desperate to suck me into their vortex of drama. But I wasn’t having it. When we reached the stop light, I just turned to look them both in the eyes. And of course the two cowards looked away. This is how you deal with a histrionic.

They were once victims, but now they are sad assholes looking to spread their pain. The city is filled with these sad cases, runaways from another life. The only reason I was able to endure their insults was because I know myself and I know their game.

Henceforth “Milking the Pepper Spray” shall be used to describe the phenomenon known as self-victimization. Self-victimization is a pattern of behavior whereby histrionic women look for trouble and then cry “VICTIM!” when they find it.

Why? What’s in it for them? Attention. Lots of it. Sympathy. These women want you to feel sorry for them:

Sometimes playing the victim is used to divert attention away from a person’s own abusive or dysfunctional behavior. If people’s attention can stay focused on another individual then the abuser hopes that attention will not rest on their own flaws.

The goal of Self-Victimization is to control the responses of other people in one of two ways:

1. Divert attention away from acts of abuse by claiming that the abuse was justified based on another person’s bad behavior (typically the victim)
2. Solicit sympathy from others in order to gain their assistance in supporting or enabling the abuse of a victim – also known as proxy recruitment.

It is very common for perpetrators of abuse to engage in self-victimization. This serves two purposes:

1. Justification to themselves – as a way of dealing with the cognitive dissonance that results from inconsistencies between the way they treat others and what they believe about themselves.
2. Justification to others – as a way of escaping harsh judgment or condemnation they may fear from people whom they wish to please or impress.

These women have dedicated their whole life to playing the victim. As one BPD specialist put it:

Shy away from the victim mentality. Most folks of BPD WERE victims at one time. That is not the problem, however. The problem is that the BPD derives benefits in remaining a victim…and will fight tooth and nail to remain one. Lots of rewards, lots of power, lots of attention are won by it.

I would include other disordered folk, especially people who suffer from histrionic personality disorder.

Sady Doyle tweeted this:

Are you going to SlutWalk this Saturday? Hit me up with some opinions! I will write about them!

Sassy Doyle is really interested in Slut Walk. Why? What’s in it for her? If we have learned anything about attention-whores, it’s that they are self-serving. Sady Doyle is interested in Slut Walk because this is her fan base. If Slut Walk is the pride parade for attention whores, then Sady Doyle is trying to position herself as band leader.

Recently, she started writing for Rookie, an online mag for “awkward teens”. Sady Doyle is trying awfully hard to prove she cares. Why? What’s in it for her? More young and impressionable readers. More popularity. Popularity she’s never had before. A boost for her suffering self-esteem. She is filling the Void.

Who is Sady Doyle? Well, you may not have heard of her. But to those who have a history of sexual assault and personality disorders, she is their Moses. But instead of leading them to the Promise Land, she keeps them in Victimhood. Instead of encouraging them to seek treatment for their lifelong trauma, she encourages them to go to Slut Walk.

If you are a faithful reader, you know the problem I have with Slut Walk. It is a parade for people who suffer from Histrionic Personality Disorder aka Attention Whores. They aren’t parading for liberty or democracy. They aren’t protesting tyranny or oppression. They are amassing for attention. Slut Walk does not treat the effects of traumatization. But instead feeds the disease.

Sady Doyle gives us insight into the disease:

Really captures the whole experience. RT @bmichael: Creepy old shirtless guy taking photos of #slutwalk http://instagr.am/p/OxS-F/

The photo embedded in her tweet is of a guy in his apartment taking a photo of Slut Walk. The first reaction you have is “yeah, that guy is kinda creepy.” But let’s think about the context here. The guy is in his apartment. It’s not like he’s in a trenchcoat flashing people on the street.

The girls of Slut Walk, on the other hand, are walking out on the street in bras and panties. (notice the bright colored hair) They are begging for attention. Begging. But when some guy in his apartment takes the bait, they scream “CREEPER!” You wanna talk creepy? Observe this pattern of baiting. Not the guy taking the bait.

Baiting is creepy because normal healthy women don’t bait and punish. That is the trademark of a woman who has had a history of sexual assault and remains untreated. The word “untreated” is significant, because emotional wounds should be taken as seriously as physical wounds if not more so. It’s like watching someone parade around with blood gushing out of her head. Left untreated, emotional wounds get worse and worse.

Slut Walk is just a symptom. Don’t let the whimsical nature of this parade fool ya. There is nothing to celebrate when a woman, who is emotionally scarred, goes untreated. Slut Walk is just a small example of the media circus that always seems to be in town when attention whores are in town. Coincidence? I don’t think so.

Sady Doyle had this to say about what she considers the feminist ideal:

Leslie Knope is starting to (sorry!) bore me. Too shiny & wholesome. For TV feminists, give me Britta Perry. Someone fucked up yet earnest.

So according to Sady, you have to be fucked up to be a true feminist. Can you really be called a feminist when you only support women who are emotionally damaged? Does that make her a dis-ableist? Is she really advertising that emotionally-damaged people should avoid treatment to be part of her exclusive inner circle? Is this really the image that feminists want to embrace???

When did being fucked up become a feminist ideal? Sigh. What hope is there for a woman who thinks mental illness is cool and edgy? Like a pair of well-worn Converse Chucks. The worst part is she is spreading her fucked up ideals to other fucked up people, so they can form one big fucked up army.

But this is what fucked up people do. They surround themselves with other fucked up people in hopes of feeling normal and accepted. So they can attack shiny wholesome people in large numbers. Because seeking treatment and surrounding themselves with emotionally healthy people would be too sensible.

The problem is fucked up people find wholesome people boring, because they crave the high of drama. That’s why they’re fucked up. They are addicted to their dysfunctional lifestyle. So rather than change, it is easier for them to spin that dysfunctional life into some sort of progressive/alternative choice. That, of course, is utter bullshit. But don’t tell Sady and Co. They will go apeshit on your ass. Here is Sady Doyle explaining why it’s OK to be fucked up:

Oh, and since this is turning into a discussion of bad relationships, emotional abuse, and mental illness in general, some necessary disclaimers:

1. Not all abusers are mentally ill; not all mentally ill people are abusers. Duh. Some people just do it because they’re assholes.

True, not all mentally ill people are abusive. But that depends on what your mental illness is. If your mental illness is the result of childhood abuse, then there’s a pretty good chance you’re going to have abusive tendencies. Why? Children do what their parents do. If your parents were fucked up, then (sorry) there’s a pretty good chance you are going to be fucked up. Abusive parents raise abusive children. That is behavioral science, not my opinion. But if Shady is so delusional, she feels she can out-argue science fact then who am I to stop her?

2. You don’t have to be mentally ill to get into an abusive relationship. Also duh. And, in fact, abusive relationships tend to work by eroding the victim’s self-esteem and screwing with the victim’s ability to name, define, and understand the reality of her situation, so that they can create reactions that look like the symptoms of certain mental illnesses. That said, some abusers find that their work is easier when they pick up people who already have poor self-esteem or poor boundaries. But they can create poor self-esteem and poor boundaries too.

No, you don’t have to be mentally ill to get into abusive relationship. And you don’t have to have low self-esteem or poor boundaries. But it sure helps. This is a learned pattern of behavior. People get into abusive relationships because their parents had an abusive relationship. DUHHH. Children model their behavior after their parent’s behavior. DUHHH. By the time they reach their teens, this habit of bad relationships will be hardwired into the brain. Partners of abusive personalities share the same problem.

This is a hard habit to break. I can attest to that. My Borderline Ex was not my first troubled romance. But I am determined to make it my last. Easier said than done. It is both a physiological and psychological addiction. I am addicted to awful women.

Breaking that habit will require years of re-conditioning. I get that. I am committed to that. I have chosen to stay out of relationships until I can break that cycle of dependency. That is a commitment to my own well-being. I doubt Sady and my Ex have that same commitment.

3. Pathologizing every person who’s abused in her relationship is equivalent to blaming the victim; defining every abuser as mentally ill is stereotyping and demonizing people with mental illnesses. Some illnesses, like Borderline Personality Disorder and Narcissistic Personality Disorder, do get talked about a lot in connection to abusive relationships, because abusing one’s partner is often a symptom of those illnesses. They’re notable for the way they affect people’s ability to empathize with or relate to other people. BPD gets talked about a lot in relationship to suicide too, because self-harm and suicide attempts are on the list of diagnostic criteria. But there are some people who basically blame all abuse on BPD, and others who basically blame all abuse on NPD, and in both cases, they’re oversimplifying how abuse actually works. We should try not to do the same here.

Either you’re fucked up or you’re not. The line is not as fuzzy as Shady Doyle would like you to believe. And if it is fuzzy, then (guess what?) it’s probably because you’re too fucked up in the head to see straight. I have been gaslighted myself, so I know what it feels like when someone makes you believe that you are the crazy one. But no amount of gaslighting would make me cut my wrists, shout “rape” after drunken sex or suddenly treat a loved one like my worst enemy. These are signs that you are fucked up for real real. Not for play play. Get it straight, Shady. Or get out of the business of telling fucked up people that they’re just fine.

Let’s get this straight, mental illness is inherited and made worse by childhood trauma. You would have had to experienced some serious trauma for you to develop mental illness in your adulthood. No amount of gaslighting can replicate being sexually molested when you were 3. So this theory that certain women are being gaslighted into thinking they are crazy is a cover-up for the fact that they actually are crazy.

True, abusive behavior is not necessarily a sign of BPD. Like Sady says, some people are just abusive assholes. That much I agree with. But people with BPD, NPD and HPD are high on the list of people who are likely to have abusive tendencies because many were raised by abusive assholes. BPD itself is a product of trauma. And sometimes it is a product of people being traumatized by abuse. They didn’t just wake up one day and decide they were going to be abusive assholes. They were conditioned by a lifetime of abuse and witnessing such abuse.

There are other qualities that make the mentally ill more abusive than the rest of the population. If you’re BiPolar or have BPD, you are much more sensitive than the average joe. That means you will be more sensitive to what you perceive to be attacks. People with these disorders are easily upset and frazzled (see Boob Grab).

And when they get upset, they tend to take it really hard. They tend to react in ways that are shockingly violent. Emotionally violent as well as physically violent. That violence might be directed at themselves, but that does not make it any less alarming.

Despite what Sady Doyle says, people who were abused are conditioned to be abusive. It may not always be overt abuse, but the silent abuse is just as damaging. Silent abusers employ passive-aggressive tactics so you may not immediately recognize it as abuse. This is a sophisticated abuser who has learned how to inflict emotional harm. Harm that does not leave scars, bruises or any other physical evidence. Therefore it is easier to deny. Denial by a silent abuser is abuse on top of abuse. It is kicking a person while they are reeling in pain.

Take a good look at how Shady Doyle is able to explain how the mentally ill are not abusive. This is exactly how fucked up people get away with murder. This is how they are able to move from one victim to another without detection. A person who is this fucked up may not even realize they are being abusive until you point it out. And if they are really fucked up, they will deny it. That is how they go to sleep at night.

Notice how I back up all my opinions with facts. Notice how I provide links so that you can read the evidence yourself and make your own informed opinion. I doubt Shady Doyle will provide the same service. But yet her black sheep follow her with blind allegiance. Why? Because she tells them what they want to hear- “You’re OK and I’m OK. The rest of the world is fucked up. Not us.”

Long story short- Policeman restrains unruly protester and accidentally touches her lady parts. Hundreds and hundreds of Tumblrites go apeshit. No seriously, these people are livid:

ladyatheist:

fuck the system, wall street

lovexzoeie:

Did he really fondle her breast? Please tell me he did NOT fondle her breast! WHAT THE HOLY FUCK????

Garland Grey:

How insulated must a person feel from the consequences of their actions if they are willing to sexually assault a person surrounded by, like, a million cameras?

tw: sexual assault, police brutality

Trigger warning: sexual assault and police brutality

africabumbada:

Fuck those fucking pigs fool real talk

queennubian:

This seriously makes my skin crawl and makes want to throw up! My blood boils looking at this photo! Fuck those who have power and use their dick to get away with shit!

language-arts:

The real reason why their is no media coverage of this, is because if there was the nation would riot. People would come out of their comfort zone and demand to know why the hell this behavior is being tolerated.

muthafuk:

Y’all leaving the picture in full view and then putting a TW after someone would have already seen it and possibly been triggered by it, is basically asshole-ish.

People should be angry over the widespread “in your face” corruption that is happening on Wall Street. But these kinds of protests always seem to attract the mentally unstable and that doesn’t help ANY cause.

Histrionic troublemakers are just attention-whores dressed up as concerned citizens and that distracts people from the real message that needs to be communicated. Instead of taking this important issue seriously, reasonable people just shake their heads. They ignore the message because the messengers are acting like rabid animals.

Blowing things out of proportion is what histrionic do best. Histrionics who have been sexually-assaulted are particularly explosive when it comes to the slightest hint of impropriety. I am not so naive as to believe police don’t engage in this type of behavior. But let’s get real.

This rally happened on the most famous street in America. Thousands of people were gathered and watching. Cameras were everywhere. Does anybody in their right mind actually believe this cop took time out of his crowd control duties to cop a feel? (no pun intended) Really? Let’s take a deep breath and think about this for a second.

Histrionic are easily swept up by irrational fears that people are out to do them harm or take advantage of them. Such is a person’s state of mind when they have a history of being abused. These are not so much activists as they are survivors of childhood abuse. They aren’t protesting so much as they are acting out. Children raised in chaotic environments will become addicted to chaos. They will replay the drama of their past over and over again.

These people were conditioned their whole life to be troublemakers. And when they find the trouble they were screaming for, they turn around to play victim. Spend some time observing histrionics and you will see this pattern over and over again. You can even point this out to said troublemakers and they will still continue making trouble and playing the victim. They will continue antagonizing the world, and then have the audacity to act like they are damsels in distress.

At one time, these people WERE victimized. But now they are just playing the role. There are lots of emotional rewards for playing and staying the victim. Attention and sympathy are highly valued amongst these people. They are crying wolf, but the wolves are in their mind and in their past.

There was a time when feminists fought for suffrage and equality. Those days are long gone. These days the feminist hot topic is slut-shaming. It seems feminists believe that sluts are not getting the respect they deserve. Feminist would have society raise them on a pedestal and throw flowers at their feet. To this small group of dedicated activists, sluts are to be celebrated with pride parades that take up whole cities. They are to be worshiped as martyr-saints. Forget those starving children in Africa, sluts know the true meaning of suffering.

So in an effort to put an end to this dreaded label, I have decided to offer a few suggestions:

1. Raise awareness about alcoholism. You don’t have to be an addiction specialist to figure out that drinking and casual sex go hand in hand. Women who are labeled sluts usually have a psychological and physiological addiction to both alcohol and sex. But the amount of alcohol consumed is not as important as the effect that alcohol has on you. Most people can handle their alcohol. Some people can not. It does not matter if you consider yourself a casual drinker. If you react badly to alcohol (that is- alcohol makes you do things you later regret), you must stop drinking immediately. If you drink so much you can’t remember if you gave consent for sex, that is a serious serious problem. But hey, if you can live with drinking up a storm and having copious amounts of sex, then more power to you. Have at it. Just make sure the boys are wearing condoms. If this behavior is leaving you with crippling lifelong shame then you need to sign up for AA.
2. Address personal issues. Alcoholism is just the tip of the iceberg. Alcoholism is just a symptom of a much deeper problem. Alcoholism does run in the family but it is also a sign that the person in question is dealing with some serious emotional issues. Issues like depression and low self-esteem lead to indiscriminate drinking and sex. Women who can’t control their alcohol or sexual impulses are women who are trying to cover up emotional scars. (Yes, this applies to men as well.) Address these personal issues and the slut shaming will magically disappear. Cleaning up your life starts with addressing your past.
3. Acknowledge personality disorders. If someone has been labeled a slut, I guarantee you there is a history of questionable behavior (sex being just one of them). And this almost always points to the presence of PDs. If there is one topic that makes feminists and advocates squirm, it’s personality disorders. If you post a comment at Ms. magazine regarding such a topic, it will be deleted or remain un-posted. Personality disorders are real. Congress has already declared May to be BPD Awareness Month. Everyone from mental health professionals to lawmakers have addressed this issue. Why do feminists shy away? Why do they cry “victim blaming” when someone suggests these issues must be resolved?
4. Acknowledge childhood abuse. Where there is alcoholism and PDs there is usually a history of childhood abuse. If you are talking about uncontrollable sexual impulses, you are looking at the very real possibility of childhood sexual abuse. BPD is usually triggered by a traumatic event that happened at the age of 3. At this age, it is likely the person was too young to remember or process the event. It is also very likely that they have suppressed the memories because they were too troubling. The first thing addiction specialists look for when treating an alcoholic/sexaholic is a history of childhood abuse.
5. Acknowledge the Shame. Feminists would have these women believe that these feelings of shame originate from other women or society at large. Not so. People who are obsessed with shame have lived with it their whole life (childhood sexual abuse). That shame causes the person to act in ways that creates more shame. People who live with shame have low self-esteem and weak boundaries. They sleep with other girl’s boyfriends. They cheat on their own boyfriends. This kind of behavior elicits a negative response from all parties involved. Shame being one of the responses.
6. Treatment. No amount of awareness or acknowledgment will help if you don’t seek treatment. You don’t have to live with shame. But if you won’t acknowledge the bigger issues and you won’t seek treatment, then you are condemning yourself to live with shame for the rest of your life. It doesn’t matter how many petitions you sign or how many Slut Walks you attend, you can not dictate what other people say about you. You can not control their thoughts or their actions. You can only control yours. Stop trying to change others. The change starts with you.

Sex is not the problem. Even copious amounts of sex is not the problem. Sex is good. And healthy women and men should be able to engage in it without emotional repercussions. Women should be able to wear short shorts, tube tops and mini skirts without having to feel shame or without having other women whisper about them behind their backs. But this is not the problem.

The problems arise when people can not control their impulses. When their impulses destroy relationships and erodes trust then it becomes a problem. And it is then, we must get to the root of the problem. Slut-shaming is not a problem. Sexual addiction is a problem. When you can’t stop, that’s a problem. Slut-shaming is a fantastical construct of a mind unwilling to address deeper personal issues. It is a conspiracy theory at best.

Obsessing about slut-shaming is a form of narcissism and paranoia, because it assumes that people have nothing better to do than to make your life miserable. It is an attempt to blame others for YOUR problems. It is a form of arrogance, because it assumes that the whole world needs to change to meet your impossible emotional needs.

The simpler solution would be for you to take personal responsibility for your own issues. If this smells like common sense, it’s because it is. If you are fighting the urge to shout “victim blaming” then you need to consider another addiction- the addiction to victimhood.