April 11, 2013
As they say, the apple never falls far from the tree. Unfortunately, that is especially true when it comes to repeating the mistakes of our parents. The following is a borderline’s observation about her own struggle with intimacy:
Lack of Skill
Most people primarily learn behavior as a child by watching their parents interact. Well, in my childhood home, my parents either ignored each other, or my mom was yelling about what she wanted or didn’t get from my father. So guess what I learned to do? I either ignore the problem until it builds up and I explode at anyone I see as contributing to the problem… even if they had no idea there even was a problem. A lot of the adult (and even some peer) relationships I was exposed to were like that; and I learned the lesson too well, having the same pattern reinforced for 10 years during my first marriage. I never really learned how to interact with someone I was in an intimate relationship with.
When it comes to most BPD relationships, it is all or nothing. Hot or cold. Full-blown rage or passive-aggressive silence. A BP either bashes you or shuts you out. You might have enjoyed some constructive and meaningful conversations in the beginning of the relationship. But once a borderline splits you black, it’s all over. Once they feel they are in danger of being emotionally hurt or abandoned, they will kick you to the curb. For a BP, this is a case of both nature and nurture. If a Borderline ever hopes to achieve real intimacy, he/she must learn to not push it away.
March 27, 2013
(This has been re-posted because of the exchange that is currently going on in the comment section.)
The following comment was left under a posting titled Should Fucked Up People Be in a Relationship:
I feel like you all speak from a pedestal.
As if you have been endowed the right to pass judgement upon those who dare drag their sorry, disease ridden carcasses beneath you, condemning them for the living needs and scorning them should they chose death.
I am sixteen years old. I have been diagnosed with mental illness and am struggling–both with disease and simply being a human. I read this and cry. I hear you deem groups and groups of people unfit to be in a relationship, myself among them through default of the twists in my DNA.
I tend to believe the worst of myself, but even to me this seems inhuman. That a child born with illness should be arbitrarily labeled UNFIT for deep intimacy with another, a basic human right, is a tragedy.
I wonder if this another group to be stigmatized, another people to be crushed beneath unfit blame.
First they came for the Jews, the catholic, the African American, the gays.
Now they come for me.
I hope when they come for you, friend, you have somewhere to run your lonely way.
Notice the extreme emotionality. So full of self-pity and drama. You could argue that this is a product of being young and naive. But what you are witnessing is the product of youth combined with mental illness.
We all have a right to pass judgement. As humans we make judgements all the time. That is how we steer through life. This young blood would prefer it if we all steer blindly through life, allowing others to take advantage of our good nature. This one would have people dive into relationships with complete disregard for their own well-being.
Discrimination is bad when we are making erroneous and broad judgements against people based on superficial observations. But when those judgements are based of scientific observation, they serve as a map through an emotional minefield.
This is not discrimination against an ethnic or a religious group. We are talking about protecting ourselves against personalities that have been identified by their toxic nature. Good mothers teach their children not to talk to strangers. This blog teaches people to be wary of those with borderline tendencies.
Beware of those who have an irrational fear of judgement. If someone is obsessed with being judged, that is a red flag. It is an indication of someone with borderline tendencies. At the core of this disorder is a fear of rejection.
To the hyper-sensitive borderline, judgement feels like barbed-wire being dragged through their veins. When you judge a borderline and their behavior, they assume you are intentionally inflicting pain. They assume you are unfairly singling them out. They lash out with unbridled rage. They never assume that you are protecting yourself from harm.
Arrested development prevents them from accepting responsibility for their behavior. They fail to see that there is a reason why people are judging them. They fail to see that their behavior is harmful to others. They are completely unaware of the mind games they play.
Take a good look at the comment above.There was a clear intent by the young author to tug at your heart strings. At the tender age of 16, she has already mastered the fine art of manipulation. She wants you to visualize her tears, because she wants you to feel her pain. A pain only a borderline can feel.
This is why countless borderlines have tried to shut down this blog. They are feeling rejection on a massive level. To a borderline, this is worse than death. Therefore, they will attempt to silence you by any means necessary. Young borderlines don’t need an attorney to order a cease and desist. They have the power of guilt and shame at their disposal.
Even those who are aware of their disorder, will attempt to use it as a tool to silence you. They will claim victim status just to avoid criticism. This is how manipulative borderlines get away with murder. When you speak the truth, they will accuse you of abuse. They will threaten legal action. They will accuse you of all sorts of crimes against humanity. Such is the way of a drama queen.
The 16 year-old commenter is wrong when she says intimacy is a basic human right. That is the entitlement that comes with being borderline. She is too self-righteous and immature to realize that love is a responsibility. When you enter a relationship, you become responsible for the other person’s well being.
Clearly, the person above is too overwhelmed by her own pain to think about the pain she causes others.
February 22, 2013
A hilarious video for sure, but the sad reality is girls like this really do exist. They go on to become women who cry “rape” or threaten you with restraining orders. All in a desperate attempt to seek attention. For someone like my borderline ex, seeking attention is a disease.
February 5, 2013
If you watched the Super Bowl, then you saw this Audi commercial. If you are a Cluster B with histrionic tendencies, then you might have seen something completely different- sexual assault to be exact.
Google “Audi Commercial” and you will find a slew of articles (not about cars or commercials) about sexual assault. One blogger from Phillymag.com went so far as to call the commercial “rapey”. Really? Rapey?
As you can see false accusations are easily made when the mind is clouded by thoughts of victimization. This is the markings of a histrionic personality/borderline personality. The scary part is these accusations were made by histrionics who have infiltrated the mainstream media. That is correct, histrionic personalities have infiltrated the mainstream media.
I’m not talking about feminist mags like Ms. Magazine or blogs like Tiger Beatdown. I’m talking about publications like Wired and Huffington Post. If you’re not concerned, you should be. Because Cluster Bs are never content to live in their own misery. They are compelled (by their disorder) to spread that misery around.
When a histrionic/borderline accuses someone of rape, they are engaging in black and white thinking. They are saying there is no grey area between kissing a woman and raping her. To healthy minds, that seems absurd. But to someone who may have been sexually assaulted as a child, there is no difference.
The seemingly harmless commercial above triggered thoughts of rape. It ignited outrage. You are looking at how easy it is for these troubled minds to perceive rape when there is no rape. God forbid your son goes off to the high school prom and kisses a girl (without written consent), only to have activists scream “rape!”.
My borderline ex told me she was raped in college. The more I learn about HPD/BPD, the more I think she was reacting the same way these numbskulls are reacting to this Audi commercial.
By the way, my ex has also infiltrated the mainstream media. She use to write about rape, but now she writes about wedding dresses. However, she does not write about personality disorders or false accusations.
January 15, 2013
(This is an open letter to the man who made the mistake of marrying my borderline-ex.)
Recently, your wife (my borderline-ex) posted an open letter to the world. In it, she wrote what seems to be a heart-felt letter to you:
This is a love letter to my husband. The man I’ll be with forever. The man I can love because of everyone else who has ever loved me. Everyone else who has ever loved me well and loved me badly. To my husband, who kisses me hello and goodbye every day. Who will talk out any problem. Who will make sacrifices. Who will grab me in the living room to swing dance for no reason. You are the man who not only reached the bar but passed it. My best friend. The man I’ll never let myself lose. The man I’m so very glad I married. This is a love letter to you.
A very charming and touching letter indeed. But before your heart melts, you might want to read my letter to you.
For most of the world, a love letter is a very private expression of love, perhaps tucked away in a shoebox. Not so for someone who shows borderline/histrionic tendencies. She chose to post her “love” on a blog that enjoys a very large readership. Whether you know it or not, this was a carefully staged event.
She could have written a private love letter, but she didn’t. WHY?
This is a woman who wants to prove to the world that she is lovable. She wants to prove to you that she loves you. More specifically, she wants to prove she can love. But why is she working so hard to prove this? If you are not asking these questions, you have more to read.
Histrionics often explode with outward expressions of love (and hate). They shower you with affection. Jump on you when you walk through the door. Passionately kiss you in public. You will feel like you can do no wrong. This is all by design. Trust me. I know.
This is what experts call love bombing. It’s a tactic also employed by cults when they are recruiting the unsuspecting. It is an effective form of manipulation:
Critics hold that love bombing is insincere or with an ulterior motive and that it is used to reduce the subject’s resistance to recruitment.
Yes, you are a recruit. You are being recruited as an enabler. You are being recruited as an emotional punching bag. You are being recruited to fill a void that can’t be filled. You are being recruited to be a prop, a facade that is meant to create an illusion of love. But, as we all know, there is nothing real behind a facade. This is the kind of “love” your wife has to offer you.
The woman you married is a hoax. She is not who she pretends to be. She is a control-freak controlling you to make sure you don’t betray her (like her father). She orchestrates outward expressions of love like a choreographer creates a dance routine. The purpose is to keep you mesmerized and distracted, so you don’t bother looking behind the facade.
By now, you have probably noticed that she constantly has you on edge, jumping through hoops and putting out fires. She has you wondering which way is up and which way is down. This is how borderlines keep their lovers disoriented.
She keeps you on a short leash because this is the only way she can defuse her fears of abandonment. If she is love-bombing you, it is because deep down she suspects (fears) that you are on the verge of leaving her. Could her suspicions be correct?
Perhaps you’ve given her reasons to doubt your commitment. Perhaps she has given you reasons to doubt her love and question your decision to marry her in such foolish haste. Publishing that very open letter is a sign that she is now desperately trying to over-compensate for her fears of abandonment. That is a definite warning signal to you.
She is trying very hard to pull you back into the vortex. This is a sign that she senses apprehension on your part. If she ever catches on that you know too much, you will see a very different woman than the one you married. You will know the definition of being “split black”.
By creating this very public spectacle of affection, she is attempting to fool you. She is fooling herself. And she is fooling the world. This is how one stays in denial.
She will continue love-bombing you as long as she thinks it is working, because it has probably worked in the past. There is something in your personality that thirsts for this kind of attention. She knows this.
Your swing dance is actually the swing of push and pull. It is the co-dependent dance. As long as she knows she has a hold on you, she will continue showering you with very public affection. But that’s what you want. Isn’t it? Consider the possibility that the only reason why she married you was because you are so receptive to her manipulative tactics. That and her work visa was expiring.
You knew her for just a few months before you rushed to marry her. That shows alarming impulsivity on your part as well as hers. She hit the co-dependent jackpot with you.
I know you think I am her evil ex. But that is because you have listened to her devaluation and demonization of me. She needs to discredit me, in order to discredit the truth laid out on in this blog. You want to believe I am the devil, so you can play her white knight. But, in reality, you are playing the co-dependent fool.
If you were to take a trip back in time, you would be shocked to realize that I got the very same treatment as you are now receiving. But I got wise to her tactics. I started questioning her ways. I made her feel insecure, because I would not play her manipulative games.
This is when she split me black, from hot to cold. Take a good look at the way she treats me now. Listen to the way she talks about me. Because if she finds out that you are on to her, you will receive the very same treatment.
I was always suspicious of her love-bombing. It felt fake and forced. At times she laid it on so thick, it made me recoil. There was a time she imagined me to be the One and wanted me to move in with her after just 8 months of dating. But I wanted no part of that. I have no doubt, she would have tried to pressure me into marriage as well.
She moves fast, that one. But I don’t have to tell you that. You should know that she asked me to move in with her at a time when our relationship was rocky. Because it is when things are rocky, you will find her staging dramatic expressions of love.
You agreed to marry her after 3 months of dating. 3 months. That’s a huge red flag. Why were you so eager to marry her? You should not only question her impulsivity. You should question your own. You should ask why you did not see all these red flags. You should ask why you were so easily duped.
You should be suspicious of all her motives. The one you married is all about ulterior motives. You should know that all my suspicions about her were later confirmed. I don’t expect you to believe a word I say. So do your own research on BPD and Histrionic Personality Disorder.
I know you are flattered by all her loving words. Don’t be. Do not let her passionate words impress you. Borderlines with histrionic tendencies are very convincing when they tell you they will “love you forever”. This is a well-rehearsed act. This is utter bullshit. She is not capable of love.
She knows flattery gets her everywhere. This is what BPD specialists call idealization. As you can see, she is very very good at making people feel special. This is a survival skill perfected by people who fear abandonment.
The cold hard truth is you are not special to her. Her love letter is a script that has been read to many lovers before you, including me. Yes, at one time, she had nothing but sweet nothings to whisper in my ear. Sweet words that were remarkably similar to the words in her open letter to you. I have love letters to prove it.
Notice how she included past lovers in her love letter. This should also be a red flag. She has done this before. She has left many many lovers in her wake. They have all fallen for her act. The very same act you have fallen for.
She can go from “loving me forever” to having me be “dead to her”, all in a day.
By now, you may have already experienced this hot and cold treatment. This is known as push and pull behavior. It is how someone behaves when they have ambivalent feelings about intimacy. It’s how someone behaves when they have been deeply wounded by loved ones since 3 years of age.
I assume you know about her dark past. She tells stories of a dark past because it puts a magical hold on “white knights”. She has you wrapped around her little finger.
You can take this letter two ways. You can take it as the rantings of a jaded ex. Or you can take it as a sincere warning of events to come. You have no reason to believe the things I say. But you would save yourself a lot of grief, if you looked behind the facade. See for yourself, without the fog.
You are under the spell of a master illusionist. You can not see the forest through the trees. You may not want to see what I see. I am sure she has done a very good job of telling you how “crazy” I am. But as you read the contents of this blog, you will notice that a lot of it makes sense… as if it were all based on scientific fact. That’s because it is.
My advice to you is to RUN. Take what dignity you have and RUN. Take my advice or leave it. The choice is yours.
December 16, 2012
Another senseless shooting. This time in Connecticut. The killer- Adam Lanza. While most of the nation has been crying out for gun control, I know the problem goes much deeper than that.
Guns did not kill those teachers and school children. Someone who was profoundly disturbed killed them. Adam Lanza was no different than all the other lone gunmen that have haunted our nation. The time to talk about mental illness is now.
For the last two years, I have been writing about personality disorders/mental illness. So when I heard about this tragic story, I knew mental illness was at the root of it. I know what it’s like when someone you love is frighteningly troubled. Then I stumbled upon an article written by a mother. A mother whose child bears a striking resemblance to Adam Lanza. Her child is now hospitalized. Let’s hope that is where he will stay.
If we have any hope of preventing this alarming trend from repeating itself over and over again, then we MUST address the issue of mental health. If we change the topic of our conversations, our politicians will listen. We must start talking about mental illness or history will repeat itself. Prayers and vigils are not enough.
December 13, 2012
I should be tired of the endless cries of indignation, but what better way to illustrate my point about BPD then to post comments written by a disgruntled borderline:
I am shocked to read the bashing comments on BPD sufferers on this site. Just dump the psycho bitch is the common idea it seems. I am a 39 year old woman, and I have been married now for 7 years after many turbulent affairs.
I have been suffering from BPD since my teens, but I only got diagnosed 8 years ago. I disclosed my illness to my husband before we tied the knot. I have been seeing several psychiatrists and I have been taking meds for 8 years now. I have even been hospitalized for several weeks. None of it has really helped.
It is very difficult for someone with BPD to find the right help, as most therapists do not want to or do not know how to treat us. Most therapists won’t even return my call when I mention my diagnosis.
Specialized treatment such as DBT is difficult to obtain, and most insurances will not cover it. So don’t go and say that most people with BPD do not seek help, they do but there is limited access due to the limited amount of therapists who are trained to treat BPD, and the reluctance of insurance companies to cover Dialectal Behavorial Therapy and other forms of specialized treatment for BPD.
And this was my response to her:
So if an alcoholic husband beats his wife, we should feel sorry for him because he suffers from an addiction/disease? Abuse is abuse. Even silent psychological abuse.
All abusive personalities suffer from some disorder. That does not excuse their abusive behavior. Their internal pain and tragic past does not justify the transferring of pain onto others. That is what you fail to understand after years of treatment and therapy.
Read Maria’s post. Notice the difference between your attitude and hers. Notice Maria’s humility and concern for others and then take a good look at your own cries of entitlement. One speaks of selflessness and the other is consumed by selfishness and self-pity.
Believe it or not, I know how difficult it can be for borderlines to seek treatment. Thank you for sharing your story but you are only confirming what we already know. Your comments do not change a thing. Those who love BPs suffer when borderlines can not control their emotions. Nothing makes that ok. Not even BPD.
BPD is a lifelong struggle even after treatment. But taking this into consideration does not make BPD any easier to deal with. There is a good reason why most therapists won’t touch BP patients. Lawsuits and false accusations are costly and can ruin anyone’s reputation.
Borderlines are not the innocent victims you paint them to be. Borderlines can be highly toxic, whether they mean to be or not. They ruin lives.
So do no expect sympathy from those who have been ruined by irresponsible borderlines. If you can’t control your abusive behavior, you should not be in a relationship. You are only passing on your pain. YOU are adding to the stigma of BPD.
My husband and I had 4 great years together, however, the last three were tough and my illness is worsening. Most of the men on this forum would advise him to run I suppose. However, would you say the same thing to my husband who vowed to stay true in sickness and health if I had a physical illness? No, that would be considered reprehensible and cowardly.
Why is it reprehensible and cowardly to tell your husband to protect his own well-being? Marriage vows do not obligate one to accept abusive behavior. Suggesting that it does, is highly manipulative. It smells like someone trying to enable their own abusive tendencies. Another reason why therapists won’t touch you.
Here’s more examples of your manipulative ways:
Sometimes I wish my illness was physical and visible; missing a leg, having cancer, battling diabetes. At least I would get some damn compassion from society instead of being stigmatized as a mental patient. Mental illness is taboo as it is, and BPD is one of the most devastating and stigmatizing diagnosis someone can get.
Cancer does not cause people to abuse and betray their loved ones. Missing a leg does not cause one to fly off the deep end. You are comparing apples and oranges. BPD is stigmatized by borderlines who abuse the trust and compassion that is given to them by caring individuals. BPs like yourself screw themselves over.
It is because your illness is not visible that makes it hard for others to protect themselves against toxic borderlines. Your invisibility allows you to move from one victim to another. This last comment is proof that borderlines go to great lengths to maintain invisibility. What is needed is more transparency. Not secrecy. Not censorship at the hands of violent vegetarians.
I had plenty of compassion for my borderline exes. But that compassion was erased when they turned on me. Because of raging borderlines like yourself, there is less compassion in the world. BPD is stigmatized because of your collective behavior. It is not the diagnosis that is devastating. It is the way you behave that is devastating.
Please understand this is an real illness, and that none of your “(ex)” girlfriends” intentionally try to torment you, even if it may feel this way. Instead of bashing them, try to understand them and show some compassion by reading a book like walking on egg shells. You have no idea how we suffer.
75% of people with BPD attempt suicide to end the pain, 10% of us succeed at this. In addition, I believe that BPD is unfairly labeled “a woman’s disease”, and I think it is under diagnosed in men. For example; it took very long for me to get diagnosed, because I am not a cutter. I have a male friend who got recently diagnosed and he is a cutter. So please, read more, judge less.
Whether they intentionally tried to torment me is moot. The only thing that matters is they did torment me. This is not a matter of gender (although 2/3 of BPs are women). It is a matter of abuse. I’ve read plenty. And everything I’ve read has confirmed what I have personally experienced.
Act like an asshole and people will judge you. Know that. Internalize that. If you don’t want to be judged don’t act like an asshole. Don’t act like a violent vegetarian. If you can’t control your assholish tendencies, then don’t expect compassion. That expectation makes you more of an asshole.
If you want more compassion, maybe you should show more compassion for the partners of borderlines. This is where the de-stigmatization process starts.
December 5, 2012
Meet Jenny, the self-proclaimed “Violent Vegetarian”. It is a well-chosen name for a borderline on the rampage. My BPD-ex was also a vegetarian. It was all part of her “alternative lifestyle” which also included being an angry feminist and a part-time lesbian.
You might be asking what the connection is between BPD and vegetarianism. The answer is simple- When you are as sensitive as a BP, you see victimization everywhere. Oh… Didn’t you know that eating meat was a form of victimization? Listen to Jenny the Violent Vegetarian and you might be convinced.
Anyhoo, this is what she had to say about an article I posted a while back called Can a Borderline Sustain a Relationship? :
I would not be at all surprised if at least some of those suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder who have read this article will, or already have, committed suicide. You act as though it is easy to resolve, and as though a person with active BPD is unlovable. That is NOT true. You obviously don’t care about people. If you did, you would know some people such as myself only want to be able to be loved by someone else for once in their miserable lives. I HAVE loved others before, I guarantee you, and you cannot lie to me and say I have NOT loved others before, selflessly, and without putting demands on them. & always apologizing if I’ve hurt their feelings, as any other person would do.
Also, actually getting treatment without being treated with a huge stigma, in a condescending manner by health professionals can be VERY difficult for someone with BPD. I’m “crazy”, not stupid, and if I am treated even worse by health professionals than most people on the street, why should I get treatment? Do you really care about me getting better, if you want me to go through more misery & treatment that has never helped me, years of expensive therapy (treatment isn’t free. You seem to neglect this fact entirely), in some vain attempt to be lovable one day? Your article does make it all sound hopeless, and makes a Borderline sound totally unlovable which is absolutely untrue.
Stop trying to make other people not love those with Borderline Personality. Just stop, because you have no idea what it is like to be told you can never have love, and you are unlovable with a poor prognosis or without full remission. Many people with even worse mental illness and physical disabilities are allowed love and can have a relationship. I thank the universe that not everyone has seen your article or I would probably kill myself now. No offense, but shut up and leave BPD people alone. You treat us as though we put a gun to our heads. We DIDN’T. Leave us alone. We deserve love too. If you don’t believe that, you are a callous, despicable excuse for a human being.
No reply is necessary. I’m sure it would be mean, accusatory, condescending and bleak.
As you can see, Jenny is very melodramatic. Notice the difference between Jenny (lack of treatment) and Maria (years of treatment). The difference is night and day. You tell me if treatment works.
First, let me apologize to the Violent Vegetarian for the burger I will eat after I post this. It does not mean I am callous or despicable. I’m just hungry and burgers are really tasty. Now that I’ve got that off my chest, let us address the accusation that I am killing borderlines with my articles.
Let’s get this straight, I write articles to spread the truth about this horrible disorder. I don’t write them to trigger suicidal tendencies. BPs, who threaten to commit suicide, do so because they are emotionally unstable and seek attention/sympathy. Normal/healthy people don’t read articles and then go slit their wrists. If that is your tendency, then you might want to hospitalize yourself. You are a danger to yourself.
Do not expect people to tread carefully around your delicate sensibilities. Do not expect them to avoid speaking the truth about this horrible disorder for fear that millions of BPs will jump off the closest bridge. Telling the truth is not the problem. It’s the solution.
What Jenny has demonstrated is how far BPs will go to hide the truth (pain) and shift the blame onto you. They will accuse you of lies. They will accuse you of being condescending. They will accuse you of being accusatory. They will even accuse you of being bleak as they threaten to kill themselves. Are you noticing a pattern of projection here?
Maybe the reason why treatment hasn’t worked for Jenny is not because her doctors are difficult. Maybe it’s because Jenny is difficult. No, that couldn’t possibly be the reason.
You can not win with the likes of Jenny. In fact, you will most likely lose. She is always the victim, never the abuser. You are the big meanie and she is pure as the driven snow.
Jenny has every right to refuse treatment and stay in the active throes of BPD. Just like you have the right to NOT love a woman that treats you badly. That does not make you a callous human being. That makes you a self-respecting human being- one who cares about his/her own well-being.
It’s easy for an angry vegetarian to love animals because animals won’t abandon you. There’s no threat. That is why she is able to feel their pain. Things change dramatically once the threat of abandonment introduces itself. I have no doubt that Jenny feels excruciating pain when she hurts someone. But what you may not know is that she has a safety measure to minimize that pain. That safety measure includes detachment and devaluation/demonization.
Borderlines hit and run. When they realize they have hurt you, it hurts too much to accept blame. So instead, they cut and run. By labeling you cold and callous, she now has justification for hurting you. See how that works? Can a borderline love? I believe the real question is- What is the extent of a borderline’s love?
A borderline like Jenny will dip her toes in the pool of intimacy because she wants to fool herself into believing she is capable of doing so. But she will stay in the shallow end while you drown in the deep end. As you are struggling to stay afloat, she has already jumped out and dried herself off. She has already found another kiddie pool to jump into, a pool that is more shallow and less threatening.
Co-dependency should never be confused with love. But melodramatic borderlines like Jenny do it all the time. When you are the product of arrested development, you have a very immature concept of love. Your sense of entitlement is much stronger than your love.
So… Can Jenny love? Perhaps. Does she deserve to be loved? Debatable. More importantly, is she mature enough to give you the love you deserve? Well, I’ll let you be the judge of that. But if the likes of Jenny were capable of love, don’t you think she would be more concerned about your well-being?
November 29, 2012
Not all borderlines are assholes. Not all borderlines live in denial. Some, like Maria, are heaven-sent:
Hello I have BPD and I was diagnosed 8 years ago. My father has it as well but it is undiagnosed and he refuses to believe in psychotherapy in general (he’s 75). I am sorry because you are all correct in your assessment of us. I have been in therapy for years and I fully take responsibility for my behavior.
I try very hard to keep in under control and I decided years ago that in order to save my loved ones from grief and keep myself from exploding, I would have to do three things, live alone and not marry, and never have children.
I realize these are extreme measures but they have helped me greatly keep it under control and not hurt my loved ones. I have also maintained a long term relationship and have kept the same job for 9 years.
I believe these “rules” should be used by other BPD’s, as extreme as they are. I know it will be with me for life so I am trying to minimize huge events/life experiences, what have you, that most BPD’s cannot handle in an adult and mature manner. I will probably get a lot of negative feedback but I think my rules would be helpful for many BPD’s.
Sadly, not all borderlines have the courage to take responsibility for their behavior. My borderline-ex was one of these cowardly souls. She chooses to live a lie. She chose to get married and pull someone into her misery. She thinks she will cure childhood trauma with internet fame. It’s sad really. Do we blame this on her disorder? Her upbringing? Her denial?
But then Maria comes along and shows us that you can have the same disorder and make all the right choices. Thank you, Maria. You have restored my faith in humanity.